I feel like a real loser. For all the quirks and troubles we have, I really like my parents, and it really bothers me when I fail to appreciate them.
I promised my Mom and Dad that I would come by tonight for dinner to share some souvenirs and video with them from the road. By this morning, I realized there was no way I’d have a “clean” selection of video footage for them, and since this was to be one of my Mom’s big presents (she likes nature footage), I reneged today at work. I told my Dad I could come over Thursday, but they’ll be going out of town Thursday and not returning until Sunday. So I said Sunday would be good. He told me he would call Mom to call it off.
It’s not his fault Mom didn’t get the message; I should have called her from work. Anyway, she got home late because she’d been shopping for dinner supplies. She didn’t think to check the messages, and proceeded to make one of her collossal rare family meals - Cornish game hen, potatoes, veggies, cake, everything.
Seven o’clock rolls around, and she’s still home alone, so she finally checks messages. My Dad had left one saying I’d not be coming by and so he was going to stay late at work.
So here I am, hoping that writing about it will prevent me from feeling like total scum. But I am. I could do a lot more to mediate and navigate my relationship with my parents, but I tend to let it simmer most of the time, mainly because they aren’t the most predictable people, but I’m sure they’d say the same about me. I work for my Dad, so I tend to think that I spend too much time with my family, when in fact I still don’t even see him that much at work, and when I do, I’m really only seeing a rather shallow, one-sided version of him. I definately don’t see my Mom enough, and I am often riddled with guilt over that fact. They could also do more to improve our connectivity. On both sides, it’s a matter of no longer knowing one another all that well, and thus not being completely comfortable sharing things like families should (though I maintain that my family is still better at it than most).
I guess it’s up to me to start doing the footwork if I want to avoid feeling as shitty as I do at times like this. I need to be considerate of them, even if the results aren’t immediately noticeable. I have to be honest about how considerate I feel they’re being in return, even if it hurts their feelings or makes them mad. That kind of communication is what makes families work.
I think one big factor is that I’ve never experienced a long-term period away from my parents, and we’ve taken each other all for granted, and never understood the work involved in having a healthy family unit. Combine that with difficult and often conflicting professional lives, and you have even more requisite work involved.
Anyway, I still feel like shit. I’m sorry Mom.