Posted in Americana on March 3rd, 2006 by Дмитрий

RE: The new All-Christian town being built in Florida, which will eliminate the existence of pornography, homosexuality and promiscuity using a high-tech Moral Force Field system:


“While the governor does not personally believe in abortion or pornography, the town, and any restrictions they may place on businesses choosing to locate there, must comply with the laws and constitution of the state and federal governments”


Who wants to get together with me and create “Vampville” - a new All-Goth town which will not allow the sale of:


  • Anything in pastels

  • Bibles or other theistic religious texts (unless they are leather-bound and more than 100 years old)

  • SUVs

  • Granola

  • Tie-dye anything


    We will heavily regulate our media. A team of 4 appointed judges will decide if music, movies or TV shows are sp00ky enough to be sold or broadcast. The same judges will also approve or deny all chosen names. No citizen shall be allowed to choose the name ‘Raven’.


    We will not allow trendy upscale restaurants or shops. All construction requiring the removal of an existing occupiable building will be subject to referendum. An annual award will be given for the most authentic post-apocalyptic architecture of the year.


    Children under the age of 12 are not to be seen in public, and must be home-schooled until that age. Secondary schools will teach children basic BDSM along with standard sciences and technology and liberal studies.


    The age of consent will be 14. Same-sex and multiple-partner legal relationships will be fostered and protected. Common-law powers will apply to all households regardless of age, sex or number of partners.


    Renting out property at a loss will be prohibited. Real estate speculation will be actively prosecuted. All vacant buildings will be converted into coffeehouses or diners.


    No churches may be built. Public religious gatherings will be illegal. Proselytizing or recruiting for any theistic purpose will result in immediate arrest. Weekly public tomato-floggings and noodle-whippings will be performed on all convicted of theism.


    Clinics will dispense free condoms, lube and birth control to all individuals, regardless of sex or age, and abortions will be safe, free and completed anonymously as an outpatient procedure for all women desiring them.


    Vegans will be deported.

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Der Sport

Posted in Assholery, Economics on March 6th, 2006 by Дмитрий

Sports only amuse me to the extent that humans seem to have a severe need for fake conflict, and sports are a HUGE outlet for that. It seems like the times when there is relative stability in a society are the times when sports receive the most gravity by that society.

Today is no exception. Sports ‘news’ sucks up almost a third of the nightly news. More in smaller local markets. It’s got it’s own section of the daily newspapers.
It’s a huge revenue generator for ad dollars, due to its all-consuming popularity among the converted (though I argue it is in most cases a false econcomy), but when you look at who puts up the investment capital in the sporting-industrial complex, it’s overwhelmingly cash-strapped municipal and governmental bodies.

The worst part isn’t that these governing bodies act as venture capitalists, it’s that they act as venture surrogates (I need to trademark that). They take all the risk and put up all the start-up cash, then turn it over to team owners and players unions for the profit-making.

I really need to get over my sports putrification and invest in some teams of my own…

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House Hunt

Posted in Home on March 7th, 2006 by Дмитрий

More houseunt blather - feel free to move along if you’re sick of it…


Just got a call from the preapproval lady.


Wow. Our credit health is better than we thought.


They’ll probably try to make us look at like 500k houses and junk, even though I know we can only afford around 150k.


Now to find that 1962 mod split-level with rust shag carpet and orange mosaic bath tiles…

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Performance Enhancers

Posted in Uncategorized on March 8th, 2006 by Дмитрий

Am I the only one who sees the use of steroids by athletes as such a non-issue? They’re using a performance-enhancing chemical to achieve the most at their preferred vocation. Perhaps its the fact that so many people take sports so much more seriously than its importance warrants that explains why the average American is so totally devastated when their national hero/icon is exposed for the career climber he is…


We all use chemicals to enhance our performances. The only variance is that those of us who do the least amount of performing tend to require the fewest performance-enhancers. Yes, kiddies, sports are a performance. No different than ballet or Hollywood or picking up your next fuck buddy at the bar.


As I’ve said before, drugs make you what you aren’t. They allow you to perform - to be outside yourself. Some of us only need our coffee to put on an office face (some lucky ones don’t even need that). Others must sniff something to get out of bed and pop something to get back in.


It’s a question of degree. Except pot. Pot is just gross and wrong and should be grounds for execution. Just don’t take roid-raged athletes too seriously without a bit of introspection…

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A Port to Drop Our Load In

Posted in Economics on March 10th, 2006 by Дмитрий

Isn’t it pathetic that our dottering dunce of a President was the unheard voice of reason in the port sale controversy?


I guess he gets what he deserves (and those who voted for him get what they deserve, in the form of greater anti-American/anti-globalism sentiment abroad). Five years of fascistic focus on the !!1!1!OMG Threat of Terrorism!!!1! OMFG!!!1!1! War!1!!1! OMGWTF!!!!1!1 Barely escaped attack!111!1! just bit him in the ‘nads.


Hi, I want to sell my enema business to someone whose Jewish father-in-law was born in Syria. Oh, I’m sorry, but the colons of a nation are on the line. We can’t have you selling our asses out to terrorists…

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Bad Mushrooms

Posted in Food on March 15th, 2006 by Дмитрий

So, David and I long ago decided that the Mellow Mushroom was the best pizza in town. Good ingredients, unpretentious, and not a huge boozer crowd.


However, we’ve had some service issues the past couple times we went to the North Charlotte location (N Davidson and 36th). I’ve usually given them the benefit of the doubt, since it often seems like when we get there that there are an inordinate amount of uncleared tables, leading me to believe that they just got swamped and it threw them off.


In cases where that is true, I’m actually glad for the slightly longer waits, since I know I prefer that to being there when the crowds were there.


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Pros and Cons of New Construction

Posted in Charlotte, Home on March 20th, 2006 by Дмитрий

This weekend we made our first visit to one of the ‘new construction communities’ of Charlotte. Blah. Alas, I remember back when my parents did the same thing in the mid-80s and it was actually pleasant and promising.


The hot real estate market has made people shelve the idea of owning a home in favor of owning Real Estate. People no longer want a home of their own to live in, they want an investment to occupy or hold for a while before reselling.


This is overwhelmingly the reason for new neighborhoods all being fenceless, colorless, treeless demi-condo developments where living without a Home Owners Association is the worst of all blasphemies.


The proliferation of HOAs alone to me is proof that people are more concerned with the near-term investment potential of their property than with having a home to live in and make theirs. Rather than buying a home and having a sense of ownership and self-investment for it, they buy Real Estate and ensure that they can control the behavior and appearance of their neighbors to avoid damaging their investment.


I just don’t understand the point of these places. If you want a ‘low maintenance investment property’ you buy a condo. To me, the reason one buys a house, as opposed to a condo, is the ability to paint, landscape, and personalize the property. Ceding control of those privelages to a committee of your neighbors for any reason just baffles me - why bother with the burden of property at all in that case? It’s especially true these days when you pay a 100-200% monthly premium just to own (at least that’s the figure in most markets).


I look forward to the day the bubble bursts. Then maybe I’ll finally be able to find new construction like my parents landed in the 80s: landscape your own friggin’ yard, paint your house green and purple, park your hearse on the grass, and by all means, spend a couple decades there…

Back in San Francisco

Posted in Home, Travel on March 26th, 2006 by Дмитрий

Another three weeks in purgatory. I’m trying to decide whether this is getting old.

In home-search news, hubby and I have decided that Winston suits us better. We’ve been pre-approved for more than we expected and we have a buyers’ agent in the Triad whose sending us loads of cute house listings in Ardmore and West End and West Salem and such. Since 90% of what we want from a home is city-independent, we’ve decided to shoot for the better value and cuter neighborhood…

But it’s not a done deal yet. He has one more job lead in Charlotte to follow up on. If that fails to materialize by the time I get back, we’ll be preparing for a move slightly north this summer…

Tricks are for Fairies

Posted in Uncategorized on March 29th, 2006 by Дмитрий

What’s this here thing? Am I supposed to be updating this or something?

Three weeks of Blah in San Francisco, which I expect to break up with one or two nights of dinner with friends, a trip to see the family in Fresno (and give them the gorgeous shiny videos David made for them) and a weekend in the great Northwest to see all the friends of mine who are escaping there…

Lest you think there is nothing but unendulged caustic ranting going through my brain these days, I’ll at least use this rare update to detail a couple things that make me happy right now:

He Was Edgy. Now He’s Jesus.

Posted in Uncategorized on March 29th, 2006 by Дмитрий

Is it revealing how much of an old geezer I am to have just finished watching Beyond Thunderdome and having had persistent thoughts of how much better old-fashioned mechanical effects were, and how modern action films are nothing but substance-less computer-animation eye candy? Nah, ‘course not…


Posted in Music on March 31st, 2006 by Дмитрий

A list of some of my latest musical affectations:

  • The Six Parts Seven
  • Godspeed You Black Emperor
  • Beth Gibbons
  • Clan of Xymox
  • Marc Almond
  • Electric Skychurch
  • Skinny Puppy
  • Tom Waits

Make of that what you will…