Speaking of Excretions…

Posted in Canadophilia on December 7th, 2001 by Дмитрий

Another bit of news: it appears the government of Alberta just has too much tax revenue coming in - and here we are in a recession. Somehow, they managed to come up with enough money for a state-funded “artist” to pay a performer several thousand dollars to display 7 of his ejaculations (or at least the fluid products of it) as a “work of art” in an art museum in Calgary. Another tribute to the efficiency of government subsidies…

Now if only I can find someone willing to pay ME a couple hundred dollars for a wad of my jiz. Gawd knows I’ve never really had THAT much trouble producing it…

North of the 49th

Posted in Americana, Canadophilia on October 15th, 2004 by Дмитрий

About 25 years ago, Leonard Peikoff wrote a book called “The Ominous Parallels”. Those of us who read it and love and value our lives, have always concentrated our efforts and nerves into ensuring that that work was not destined to be prophetic. Are our efforts in vain?

From Chisparoja:

“As with Germany in the 1930s it has a burgeoning, strong and united right-wing with a jingoistic unifying ideology, a defined international enemy and a coherent platform in power; in opposition, insofar as they are allowed to be — which is scarcely much — is a splintered, disunited left-wing, mired in petty internnecine bickering; this rag-tag left-wing is furthermore discredited and seen as weak and ineffective by a chauvinist population, thirsty for revenge, as they are still smarting from what they view as a humilliating and costly defeat.”


“…there has clearly been a significant growth in people leaving the USA for political reasons, and the trickle is steadily widening. It is no longer even limited to left-wingers. A few economically right-wing social libertarians who feel they have lost the struggle for authority with the Christian fundamentalists are beginning to murmur discontentedly as well. It’s not inconceivable that after four more years of Bushism, they will also begin trickling out.”

Ah… Now Mark’s secret shame is revealed: that whilst watching Michael Moore interview Canadians in “Bowling for Columbine,” Mark seriously started to contemplate the possibilities of a life north of the 49th parallel…


Posted in Canadophilia on December 13th, 2004 by Дмитрий

With the end of our vacation and a snap back to reality, the desire to move on is getting ever more pressing. The current planned destination is likely to be an affordable urban island within a red state, with the potential for future intraregional relocations as the years progress and we recover from the draining effects of West Coast living. However, with the Canadians growing morebenevolent and the Bushericans growing more malevolent, life north of the 49th is looking continually sweeter… Maybe someday…

In the meantime, based on my discussions with Europeans and those who have been to Europe, I have compiled the following:

Things which Europe gets right:


  • Employer-employee-leader relationships are less adversarial
  • The average person you meet speaks more than one language (well)
  • It’s not unusual to leave work after 8 hours each day
  • Quality is considered more important than quantity (generally)

Things which America gets right:


  • Supercenters
  • Detatched single-family housing
  • Roadside truckstops and diners with free coffee and soda refills
  • Offering “quality” as well as “cheap”

Things which Canada gets righter:


  • Supercenters without adversarial employer-employee relationships
  • Roadside truckstops and diners where people speak French and English and give you free coffee or soda refills
  • It’s not unusual to leave work after 8 hours and return home to your detatched single-family dwelling
  • Quality and Cheap are offered side-by-side, and the quality stuff is usually pretty cheap

If only Canada would accept us US refugees as such and make it easier for us to move there… As it stands now, by the time we’re able to make a move that direction we’ll be ghastly old men…

O Canada

Posted in Canadophilia on January 24th, 2006 by Дмитрий

Poor souls who have spent the past year or so plotting to escape our emerging fascist dictatorship for the great white north needn’t feel too disheartened by the shift in political balance on the other side of the 49th.


  • “Right wing” in Canada is sort of like Hillary Clinton in the US.

  • Trying to revoke legal marriages months or years after they’ve been approved is, as Massachusetts is learning, exceedingly difficult.

  • Canada will still probably have better finances than the US for years to come, if not for ever at this point.

  • After my first winter on the East Coast, I’m convinced that the US has nothing but pussy winters.

  • No one as creepy-looking as Stephen Harper can possibly be kept in office for long without the arrival of the apocalypse.

So don’t lose hope. Someday you may be able to take those French classes, or find a marriage of convenience with one sex or another, or get a job for an oil company.


Just remember to leave your porn and fetish supplies behind when loading up the UHaul.

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Trip Recall

Posted in Canadophilia, Travel, Urbanism on October 5th, 2006 by Дмитрий

[A long essay written during and after our mega 2-week roadtrip of the Great Lakes' urban environs.]

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I’ve Heard the Mermaids Singing…

Posted in Canadophilia on August 11th, 2007 by Дмитрий

I watched it again on the train ride to my sister’s today. It is a truly heart-warming movie. I first saw it many years ago and it’s remained one of my favorites ever since. I’m thoroughly convinced that it has played a larger part in my longing to live in Toronto than even my trip there last fall.

Ah, beautiful Toronto.

I guess I shouldn’t be so smitten for something so unattainable. My relationship with Toronto has become akin to an infatuation with a rock star: the fantasy won’t go away despite the absurdity of the reality…

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