Another night of precious little sleep. The sinus pain is nearly unbearable and nothing seems to be relieving it. Nyquil isn’t even offering me a comfortable coma this morning.

But at least I managed to catch up on the email and post a new essay in the down time. No work today. I’m sure I’d pass out at the desk. As it looks now, I may be visiting Herr Doktor this afternoon. I’ll post my last will & testament if the diagnosis is too dire.

Luckily, it looks like we may get a bit of rain to temper the cold in the next few days. Call the coroner if I don’t update again by Sunday.

More than 48 hours later and my stomach still isn’t feeling entirely normal. If this lasts more than another day or so, I’m going to Herr Doktor.

In other news, my day at work was surprisingly manageable thanks to two things: my dad wasn’t around to drive everyone into a panic, and all the problems he spent last week bracing me for were a total overreaction. You gotta love parents. And they used to say I made mountains out of mole hills.

I’m taking a bit of an email sabbatical whilst I try to figure out what went wrong with my old email service, so don’t feel bad if I’m not getting back to you. Hopefully I can eventually get the thing working efficiently enough to manage the increasingly large volume coming to me the last few weeks…

Now to drown myself in more Pepto. Then it’s bank, bills, Von’s, and coffee with Amy… Though I might be going with just the soda water tonight.

The ailment continues with no end in site. Somehow I managed to get absolutely nothing done yesterday, as well. Not like I have meals getting in the way or anything. I wish I could actually manage some solid food right now…

Anyway, I’m getting mildly annoyed by the frequency of porn and sex searches on this site, but not annoyed enough to actually think of doing anything about it…

Still waiting for the ForMac Studio machine to arrive…

I filed my state taxes today. The Feds won’t take my return until the 10th, so not only did I not get Dubya’s $300 extortion refund, I have to wait those additional excruciating days to find out how much my real extortion refund will be.

Anyway, Sacramento was kind to me, and I may actually be able to afford that iPod before the month is over… And the printer too… The Xmas disappointment may be made up after I hear from Uncle Sam.

The stomach still feels like a pressurized tin can at 40,000 feet, and I’m starting to think that it could all be the fact that I haven’t had a good Fresno Mexican meal in almost 2 weeks. I usually manage to fit about 2 in each week, considering Fresno’s got some of the best authentic Mexican food around. I think I may just go grab some take-out tomorrow and polish it all off, and hope that I don’t have to immediately bolt to the toilet afterwards. But it may actually cure me…

On the plus side of my health issues, the coffee shop last night convinced me that my original goal of giving up cigarettes after I ran out isn’t soon enough. I threw away the last of my cigs today, and don’t plan on lighting again. Not even cloves or cigars, which were usually my vice-of-last-resort during my ‘quitting’ phases. With the stomach ailment still going, any thought of smoking just makes me nauseated right now.

So I go to watch Family Guy and they managed to remove it again. Bloody hell.

I decided to convalesce alone this weekend. Which would be best, I suppose, considering my recent gastrointestinal status. Strangely, however, I awoke today feeling intriguingly normal. The test will be when I take a break from my all-too-comfortable lethargy to grab a Torta Carnitas from SuperTaco. It’s been over a month since I’ve had one. If Mr. Tummy can handle it, I’ll declare my illness officially over. But I’m not holding my breath.

I finally updated my Amazon.com wish list, after almost 4 months of slow drain on the number of items left. It’s just chock full, now, which should occupy you gift-givers for at least the next year or so…

Too bad there’s no birthday or holidays around the corner now…

Well, I dropped over $300.00 at the dermotologist’s and the pharmacy yesterday, but after only 24 hours of antibiotic and topical steriod therapy, I’m back in the world of wankers with normal skin. I’m glad that money was put to use in a good way, even though it squeezes that new DVD player out of my budget for another couple months…

Unfortunately, having normal skin might put me in danger of frequenting net.porn far too often… Well, at least I’m building a good stash of porn featuring David. That stuff works better anyway…

I hate AT&T now. And it has nothing to do with the Carrot Top campaign. I’m not going to go into it, now though. I’ll just ruin what was a wonderful blood pressure diagnosis this morning: 114/82.

That’s almost a miricle for me. I (and Doc) think it has a lot to do with quitting smoking back on New Years. Doc has now told me to quit caffine. That will be substantially harder, as it is more tied-up in my day-to-day activity, and I’m far more addicted to it than I was nicotine. I only smoked socially, never in my home, and usually less than 2 packs per week. I enjoy caffinated beverages morning noon and night, alone and in social settings, with meals and without, and in quantity. I prefer sugarless sodas, and it’s often difficult to find those elusive caffine-free-diet sodas in all venues. It will be a chore to start having to say “just water, thanks”.

I’m sure I’ll manage… And sorry Becky for losing your link when the site moved. Thanks for the special Valentine’s words.

Had my first chat with Andrea last night since I visited her on my Northwest Vacation last month. Then I finally managed to plow through most of the huge pile of papers and other miscellaneous junk on my desk.

Then I went into the doctor this morning for my 18-month physical. Many people think he’s a little excessive with doing such a frequent physical on someone my age. But I like my doctor, and he’s always very aware of cost and applicability of treatment. I trust him more than any medical professional I’ve ever visited.

Unfortunately, that’s why I was somewhat crushed to have been put on Accupril®. I had a blood pressure reading of 140/110 this morning, and he took it twice. I’ve had pretty consistent hypertension for about 5 years now, and only a couple times has it shown normal. Back when I was 20 I was still a vegan and exercising every day, and it was high then even. Now it’s still high, bu I admit I could be exercising more and maybe lose a few pounds. But Doc has said it probably won’t make a significant enough difference to avoid treating the hypertension with meds.

Superfluid show tonight. First one I’ll have seen in many many months. I’ll be recording it, of course. Maybe video even.

Whilst dressing tonight, I realized that the new up-sized wardrobe that I invested in less than 6 months ago is already too tight. It’s time to definitely start watching what I eat… At least to save money…

I admit that I dabbled in drugs, and was a bit of an alcoholic during an especially low part of my life a few years back (it’s anyone’s guess whether the alcohol led to the low point or vice-versa).

Throughout my teens, and again these days, I’ve tended to be rather critical of those who use drugs or (excessive amounts of) alcohol recreationally. I’ve often felt that the legal stuff like alcohol was OK in moderation, and that these days I could enjoy a drink without feeling it a contradiction.

However, I have noticed that in the past couple weeks I’ve been drinking more than usual. Not excessively, at least not to the point where I’m swaying and incoherent from it. But I’ve been having a drink or two every night for more than a couple weeks. It wasn’t a conscious decision, and I couldn’t tell you exactly why it started.

This particular contradiction needs to be removed from my life. I’m not saying I’m going to suddenly become a ‘recoverer’ or a campaigner to ban or villify drug and alcohol use. I’m just saying that I’m done hacking my brain.

It’s no secret that a logical argument carries more weight than any quantity of alogical moralizing. What’s strange is how rare logical arguments are in certain situations and for certain subjects. You see, I’ve been exposed over the years to a huge number of non-secular critcisms of drugs and alcohol; of parental prohibition (whilst they imbibed freely), of recoverers talking of how their reason-neutral 12-step programs helped them off the road to nowhere, and religious recruiters referencing the scriptures for lessons on temperance and discipline.

One thing I never was given much training on was the logic of discipline and the rational epistemological arguments against drugs and alcohol. Alcohol (and in many more liberal urban areas, drugs as well) is such an ingrained and accepted part of American culture that its root existence and effects are rarely studied other than in the usual inconclusive “temperance and tolerance” methodology.

In this sense, I feel like a total failure at logic and reason. I’m very angry at myself and the world around me that I could be so alarmingly misled for so much of my young adulthood, and that I can never get back the innocence and cleanliness of never having been drunk or high. All my reading and education and exposure to the virtue of logic and reason never prepared me for this particular quagmire.

Only when I started to seriously evaluate my own behavior (in stages for several years) did I realize that such arguments existed. I cannot as yet speak with any real authority, only having permanently spurned the bottle less than a month ago. However, I will say this: Read more »

90% of anyone who says they need pot to help “their condition” are just big hypochondriacs, or mean “addiction” when they say “condition”.

I’d like to find any qualified, objective source that could tell me that the smoke inhalation is better for you than any reduced effects of any “condition” precipitated by using the drug. If there really was a legitimate medicinal use for the *active ingredient* (which I admit there is), drug companies would have spotted the hole in the market and produced quality-controlled extracts available by legitimate prescription (which they have).

The problem is that since medicinal marijuana became en vogue in the 90s, anyone bagging the stuff or the morons that use it are immediatly branded as incompassionate (not that I necessarily mind this brand). If you tag a pothead and tell them to stop smoking around you, *every single one* seems to invariably have some “condition” which justifies their drug use and dehumanizes those who object to it.

I’d like to recommend this really useful medicine called crack - it really helps their worst condition: being alive/annoying me. There’s also a similar medicine called H which has similar benefits.