Another reason that I have to obtain the digital camera ASAP: even the photo developers took yesterday off.

Update: A new essay entitled on applied philosophy. It started as an email, and developed into the targeted criticism of many of my peers which I’ve been meaning to level for some time now.

This week feels like it’s never going to end. I really need a break from work. The monotony and “panic” motivational method of my Dad are getting to me. I think I need to take a vacation early next year, and this time I’m NOT using it to job-hunt (fruitlessly), as I wasted a week-and-a-half last summer…

Anyway, more updates Thursday hopefully.

I slept less than 2 hours last night, due primarily to nervous anxiety in relation to my encounter last night. I recovered slightly after spending some time cruising David’s journals. I realize that there are crappy users in everyone’s lives to some extent. David is a feel-good kinda guy.

I have to be at work in one hour, and there’s no way I can call in sick, considering a phone call yesterday turned this weeek fom one of the slowest in history to a rather busy one… It’s gonna be a long day.

I have most of the kinks out of the new set-up. Hopefully I get everything relatively smoothed over and functional as I browse it myself.

Fresno’s nice and foggy today. Already past noon and no sign of it letting up. This is good. I like the fog. If only it weren’t accompanied by such damn cold weather.

Dealt with some especially nasty broker-customers today. A note to anyone who uses subcontractors: if you tell us in advance that you’re no longer going to use us, then proceed to tell us to hurry up on the job we’re currently on, it ain’t gonna work. Why should we go out of our way to save your ass when you’ve already deafened us with your whining and made it perfectly clear that you have no intention of giving us any more business?

If you really want to get a job done, but aren’t satisfied with the work you’re seeing, the best thing to do is to show your opinion with your actions. Bitching isn’t going to help matters, and in a case like todays, will definately make things worse for you. Just let the job be done with and move on to someone you like better. Screaming at the top of your lungs will only piss people off and make your job harder.

Well, I’m finally feeling conscious enough to update. A new month/year begins, with its requisite web site maintenance duties. Had a wonderfully incredible time with David for the past few nights, and unfortunately managed to acquire an awful bug yesterday afternoon.

But no matter how horrible I feel in the morning, I will have to go into work. The loss of the office help has landed me with the dubious role of managing an extensive legal and administrative clean-up job this week. This will include hiring new office help and dealing with odious city officials and non-paying customers… It won’t be pretty, especially if I’m not feeling any better come tomorrow.

But at least I managed to get my first good New Years smooch last night. With someone I respect and care about. Whilst watching the evil Dick Clark. Happy new year. Hopefully it treats me as well as the better pieces of 2001 treated me, if not better…

New secretary started today. I’d be far less stressed if my dad weren’t so skeptical about her. I admit I was as well, at first, but after she pretty much had her whole job down by mid-day, I figured she was the right choice. Unfortunately, I have yet another mild bug today. I’m sure it has something to do with the cold cold walk I took from SOMA to Mission and back with David yesterday, combined with waking up to snow in Fresno this morning. The first time in about 3 years. And it’s definitely cold enough to recur tonight… If the clouds stick around.

Not so sure if those updates will happen this week after all… At the very least, I should have a couple small features ready after I take a cruise down the Belmont strip later this week. But no promises.

Another month comes to an end. Intriguingly, even though I put in 110% at work for a month, it turned out to be rather enjoyable converting the whole office over to my “system”. It’s good to be in charge, and be able to have things my way. Me? A control freak?

Now that the new secretary is lending a hand, I’m only putting in about 90%, which I figure is OK for the next month or so. I’ve got to balance things out, y’know…

But I came out of the deal very well: I’m making a ton more money, I’m getting to push people around and make things happen, and I’m feeling needed and secure with my job.

Combine that with the indubitably pleasant developments in my personal life (particularly revolving around onespecific person), and the relatively benevolent state of things around me, and I think this year promises to be better than the last few.

Now if only the weather wasn’t so dreadfully cold and if only my skin would stop being so dreadfully dry. I guess I can’t have it all…

Here’s to an optimistic Groundhog Day (since it’s unlikely that I’ll update before then).

We did a new hire today. It’s no secret that our sales “team” has been woefully deficient the past few years, and most of the cold calls and sales have been conducted by my dad, who already has enough to worry about with bidding jobs and trying to keep the company afloat. He multitasks well, but micromanages poorly (don’t we all?).

And so today we brought aboard a long-time associate with another local company. She’s got an aggressive but friendly disposition, and I think she’ll give our sales the boost they need to get us flourishing in our new (larger) location this fall. I’m glad papa finally took someone new in on this most important facet of the business. I think he was hoping I’d volunteer for the job, but I really don’t have a salesman’s personality. I’m much more comfortable helping run the show from behind a desk. And I think I do well at it…

Anyway, on the first of the month she starts. What impressed me as much as her credentials and personality was the fact that she was willing to work virtually for commission alone. Only someone with lots of people skills and confidence in their abilities would be willing to do that - especially when they have a big family at home to keep in stockings and fans. I think we’ll do well with her around.

I’m feeling better about having to leave later this year now. The secretary we hired in late January is working very well, and will most likely be the best choice to take over from me this fall. Combine that with the new sales I’m sure our new associate will bring in, and I see a rosy future for the company. This makes me happy, and not just because it means a big inheritance several decades down the line. Since I’ve been working here, the family business has really become personal to me. I am attached to it more than simple economics can explain.

Whilst I realize I cannot (and should not) stay here much longer, I realize the important role it plays in my life, and I’m glad to have been able to help it along. And I’m glad David was able to help out as well. Tomorrow’s pay day, then I’m off to see Siouxsie and the Banshees Thursday. I think it’s going to be a benevolent week ahead…

Back from a weekend with mom . Much fun was had, for sure, but damn do I miss my baby. Just keep thinking, only 5 more days…

So I bite the bullet and spend a couple hours filling more online apps and resume fields, and another dozen resumes are out there. Should I be getting discouraged after 2 weeks and 100 resumes and no replies?

I know what I really need to do: save my dollars, get my ass up to San Francisco and just hit the real streets, instead of the virtual ones. I think having that persistent presence (not to mention a SF address) will help. Unfortunately, I’ve also promised Papa that I wouldn’t quit until after we move to our new building (probably August), unless a job offer comes along which I simply can’t miss. 

And so the scenario I foresee: I end up staying where I am and saving money until late July. I give Papa a nice long 4-weeks notice and I move in early September. I hit the pavement and hopefully have a job before my savings runs out…

My gawd, I wish that job offer would come instead…

And am I the only one who thought it was a bad idea for Fox to try to win the sweeps by having “last episodes” of all their shows? Great management decision there - let’s cancel everything! People are sure to watch us then!

The mind-numbing hunt for a new job continues. If any of the people reading this blog need a productive, opinionated office worker in the San Francisco Bay Area, I now have my resume posted in HTML… But if I didn’t have such an important motivation to move, I’d have given up already.

Mental health day off work. I figure I’m partly excused because of the horrible headache I woke up with, which kept me from being able to get ready in time. This combined with the fact that the place is going to be sloooooooow as hell…

I know, I’m rationalizing. But I think it’s pretty good rationalizing…

Turns out the birthday isn’t over after all: Daniel just sent me an Amazon care package, featuring Samuel Huntington. I only wish this headache would go away and I could actually get some reading in…

A weekend with the parents in Cambria. It wasn’t entirely unbearable. The three notable facts were that David wasn’t there, the fog was pleasant and plentiful, and I was given a preemptive counter-offer on my employment prospects of late. 
I am, to tell the truth, rather tempted by the counter-offer. Let’s just say that even if I give San Francisco a 10-grand head-start, Dad’s offer would be the better one.

The offer would entail spending a minimum additional six months at my current job. Few other catches abound. My problems are as follows: 1) Dad pulls this every time the possibility of my departure arises, and today 2) it amounts to getting me addicted to an unsustainable level of income. 3) David still wouldn’t be any closer and 4) this is ultimately my Dad’s way of manipulating me. With money.

I have at least a week - maybe more - to figure this all out. My initial inclination is that I just can’t pass it up… But would I be selling out? Letting the rot creep ever further in? Taking part in an endless cycle? Giving in?

Or would I be getting myself that much more financially stable - saving up money - maybe even enough to where, when I actually do move, the employment situation won’t be a determining factor entirely…

I have time. My mind is full right now.

Someone reminded me today that I have been quite often subject to manipulation by those who have provided for me over the years… It’s true. From the time I was very very young, I’ve relied upon provision, rather than ambition, to find me my ways and means in life. I realized this even more this evening, as I sat at my desk and spent close to an hour justifying and rationalizing to myself why I should accept my Dad’s offer for a huge raise if I promised to stay with his company for half a year more.

I used all sorts of arguements to support this white elephant: that I would be happier with a better nest egg when I actually did move, that I might strain my relationships if I was poor, that I could enroll in some additional education while I was biding my time and saving my money. All sorts of rationalizations which failed to address the true root of the monetary manipulation to which I’ve been subject for years.

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Yeah, September was a rather dry month for journals. Sorry to those who have endeavored to keep up with me the past month. I almost feel guilty doing a journal entry when I’ve got so much email I haven’t answered…

But at least this way I can send an impersonal update to everyone at once…

The past week was mostly about work work work. Thursday involved buying a router to eliminate the ugly cords hanging over everyhing in the office (but didn’t resolve the other DSL-related issues, alas…), Friday was new tires for David and new pants for me, along with a gluttonous trip to Oakland/ Emeryville for dinner and desert with Dan, Jamie and the landlord. Yes, I actually have a likeable landlord still. I’ve been lucky thus far.

Yesterday David & I took a trip on his new tires, scoring me a few more pairs of pants (I actually have 5 pairs that I like now!), a few more DVDs (as if we need more…) and a trip to Treasure Island. The Island was a bit on the creepy side, similar to the ruins of Fort Ord, with only a fraction of the buildings in use. The population seemed to be very wealthy ethnic minorities, at least from the samples visible in the late afternoon. I’d be interested in seeing what the place looks like in another few years.

Damn, where did the week go?

Oh yeah, two specific places: work and other work. The long hours at work piled up this week, and will probably continue to do so for the next few weeks, as my company prepares to move our offices. The day work has involved preparations for moving as well as making sure all the everyday tasks are going smoothly so that we can handle a doubling or tripling of the load in the next couple months. The night work has involved schmoozing with the coworkers and generally confirming that I love my job. My boss is among the most rational and straight-shooting businessmen I’ve ever known, and my coworkers are all dot-com survivors hell-bent on avoiding the pitfalls they’ve all experienced over the past couple years.

The weekend should include a fun-filled trip to my home town , laundry, and maybe some miscellaneous house-cleaning on Sunday.

And now to contemplate the email and other piles of “to do” things which the long hours have made me ignore…