The only moral use of force is in self-defense. However, governments use force (through the legal system, which is maintained by the police and the military) every day, whether to uphold rights (which is the moral and just role of the government) or in the dubious effort to maintain “social order” whether this means controlling what is commentary and what is smut, or controlling who can live where on what income. Because the state can use coercion legally - unlike individuals and businesses, who must break the law in order to coerce - state activity in the realm of economics is immoral, since economic activity, in order to be just, must be based upon consent - not coercion.

However, millennia of state coercion has lowered individual expectations of freedom, and eliminated the desire to pursue a principled morality in society today. Most individuals base their political opinions not on what is right, but on what is the most expedient way to make the state function in their favor. This has resulted not only in an unjust society and legal system, but in an atmosphere of pressure-group warfare, where all battle all for government favors, in an aristocracy of political pull. Several specific institutions are directly indicative of this: health care, education, property rights, and social welfare.

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I went to San Francisco over the weekend. Despite the fact that it was San Francisco, David showed me an incredible time. He took me shopping. Outside of the City.

On my way up on Saturday morning, I managed a stop in Merced at a mildly trashy diner on the south side of downtown. The waitress who served me was a used piece of middle-aged trailer trash, who was incredibly rude and kept glaring at me as if I was the source of all her problems. I only wish I would’ve had something smaller than a penny to tip her. Just goes to show that no matter how many flags you wave in front of your business, it won’t make you any better.

So I’m going to spend the rest of the week convincing myself that I must be more productive next weekend. I’m trying to work out a bit of a trip around the west half of Fresno County: eg. Coalinga, Mendota, Kerman, Firebaugh, etc. Should be some good material, and a lot of soggy cotton 

You know someone’s getting to you when you start to have dreams about them… Possibly material for a new essay… But not in the mood to describe in detail right now…

Happy birthday, yesterday, Andrea. You’re one of the few people whose birthdays I actually seem to remember, even though we hardly ever talk… Must be the Amazon.com thing.

I escaped Reel Pride with a trip to the West side. I toured Easton, Caruthers, Huron and Coalinga. Tomorrow I will take on Mendota, Firebaugh and Kerman. Fun.

Once again my neighborhood is being transformed into a plastic queer mecca for four days. Since Thursday, theReel Pride movie festival has threatened to plug up all the streets with middle-aged fag couples and bleach-blonde dykes walking arm-in-arm.

Each year for almost a decade now, the Tower Theatre has been home once each fall to this Gay & Lesbian Film Festival. I’m so incredibly sick of it I don’t really think I can lucidly describe in what ways it is so offensive. The fare available is all of dubious merit, whether artistically or commercially - a conglomeration of otherwise unrelated ‘gay coming of age’ stories, featuring thirty-something boy actors who look twenty but play teenagers, or twenty-something dyke actors who look forty but also play teenagers.

Once again an event portrays an idealized and glossy version of queerdom which has no viable connection to reality, and all of the attendees of this particular event in no way resemble the characters, nor have they had even remotely similar experiences themselves in their past.

Nonetheless, the fags come out of the woodwork for this event… more fags than you would dare to assume could possibly exist. The heteros and unlaminated homos have to go into hiding in order to avoid being trammeled on, and if you aren’t dressed in refelctive lycra or pink polyester blends, and walking hand-in-hand with an equally offenisive freak, you will be completely invisible.

No wonder at all that I have no interest in venturing into my own neighborhood for an entire weekend. I, who LIVE here, versus all the clones who live their cozy domesticated lives 360 other days out of the year out in North Fresno. The fact that they chose to appropriate this part of town for their sickening festivals and disgusting parades I equate to the hideous gentrification of every other neighborhood of merit. Rather than confine their destruction to their own parts of town, they have to declare Tower District the “gay section” just because a few classy and vocal gay couples bought up a bunch of the commercial buildings a couple decades ago.

I can’t wait until Monday night when I should finally have my neighborhood back…

I awoke this morning to a wonderfully rainy day. The air did need a bit of a washing around here. It did put a damper on my travel plans, though… Not that I can’t take the trip any other day. Considering my planned destinations were little more than a 6-hour trip or so in total, I doubt finding another opportunity will be difficult.

I’d planned to perform a special Veteran’s Day tribute at Open Mic tonight, but equipment failure cancelled the event altogether… Nothing around here can handle relative humidity higher than 12%, I guess, even if it’s indoors…

I should have come home and had some much-needed sleep, but it’s a restless night, and I ended up wandering around Vons at 10 pm searching for generic Diet Lemon-Lime Soda, only to discover that the Diet 7-Up was on special and 10 cents cheaper. I loaded up the cart with additional fluids and ended up home, where I remain restless.

Digging around for some rainy day music today. I love the rain. Too bad Fresno doesn’t get much of it. A genuine thunderstorm complete with torrential downpours today. Just Desserts, Mercury Rev and Radiohead on heavy rotation, spiced up with a little Cure here and a little SleepyD there…

And maybe finish it off with some Tom Waits. Perfect weather for cuddling up with a cup of tea… or cocoa… I think I’ll do just that…

The Nazi party of depression-era Germany is uncannily similar to the emerging Green Party in America. In ideology, political agenda and economic policy, it is almost frightening to review the implications on Americans should the Green Party ever come to a position of political influence.

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Another reason that I have to obtain the digital camera ASAP: even the photo developers took yesterday off.

Update: A new essay entitled on applied philosophy. It started as an email, and developed into the targeted criticism of many of my peers which I’ve been meaning to level for some time now.

This week feels like it’s never going to end. I really need a break from work. The monotony and “panic” motivational method of my Dad are getting to me. I think I need to take a vacation early next year, and this time I’m NOT using it to job-hunt (fruitlessly), as I wasted a week-and-a-half last summer…

Anyway, more updates Thursday hopefully.

His name is Greg Ramirez. He used me, he abuses himself. He’s been in and out of jail, gives consistently dirty urine to the judges, and can’t manage to hold a job. He’s years in arrears on his child support. He continues to demand my pity. Tonight he threatened me with physical harm (his words: “I’m not your problem right now, Mark. You could MAKE me your problem…”).

I’m not good at pity, and I don’t take threats lightly. It’s been a long road, Greg. But I grant you my indifference.

[Note: Greg is the one referred to as “Guy G” in the ambivalence of relationships]

I slept less than 2 hours last night, due primarily to nervous anxiety in relation to my encounter last night. I recovered slightly after spending some time cruising David’s journals. I realize that there are crappy users in everyone’s lives to some extent. David is a feel-good kinda guy.

I have to be at work in one hour, and there’s no way I can call in sick, considering a phone call yesterday turned this weeek fom one of the slowest in history to a rather busy one… It’s gonna be a long day.

David’s coming to visit me this weekend, so I probably won’t be doing any updates or replying to any email if you sent it later than last night, because I’ll be too busy snogging. So there.

Back to the grind. Luckily it’s a short grind this week, and I should be having a ton of fun over the holiday. Should make a return to normality easy to tolerate starting next week… If you can call this time of year “normal” anyway.

Should be some promised updates over the next couple days… Or not…

So it was an incredibly enjoyable weekend… But then, David is an incredibly enjoyable person.  I’m off to Vons and then to open-mic night. Hopefully I get to do my Veteran’s Day performance one week late, as last week’s event was canceled…

I should be leaving the 35mm world by the weekend. Goodbye rude photoprocessing punks…

I have most of the kinks out of the new set-up. Hopefully I get everything relatively smoothed over and functional as I browse it myself.

Fresno’s nice and foggy today. Already past noon and no sign of it letting up. This is good. I like the fog. If only it weren’t accompanied by such damn cold weather.

Dealt with some especially nasty broker-customers today. A note to anyone who uses subcontractors: if you tell us in advance that you’re no longer going to use us, then proceed to tell us to hurry up on the job we’re currently on, it ain’t gonna work. Why should we go out of our way to save your ass when you’ve already deafened us with your whining and made it perfectly clear that you have no intention of giving us any more business?

If you really want to get a job done, but aren’t satisfied with the work you’re seeing, the best thing to do is to show your opinion with your actions. Bitching isn’t going to help matters, and in a case like todays, will definately make things worse for you. Just let the job be done with and move on to someone you like better. Screaming at the top of your lungs will only piss people off and make your job harder.

If anyone’s actually still reading this after my nearly week-long break from updates, thank you and welcome back…

I did Thanksgiving at ma & pa’s in Cambria, CA: land of boutiques, overpriced useless antiques and fine dining (read: “small portions and high prices”).

But the fact that we spent more time at home than on the ‘town’ meant I was almost able to forget where I was. My lovely Aunt Kathy provided the color commentary. No significant family feuds erupted, and pa managed to keep the shop-talk to a bare minimum.

Friday I managed to capture the Sippy & Old Guzzler show at Fred’s on beautiful digital audio, along with a cache of video clips which I eventually plan on compiling into a music video… Eventually. Thanks to Jimmy & Julie for letting me record, and for putting on a great show.

And mega-thanks to David for hosting me in San Francisco Saturday and Sunday. I’ve lost almost all of my Anti-SanFran bitterness over the past month, thanks to him. Granted, there are still some definate reasons for me to avoid the City, but for now, it has a certain claim on my affections which have tamed my dislike for the place. I plan to return often now, at least so long as he’ll tolerate my company…

Unfortunately, the weather was not kind to me, and I’ve managed to score yet another bug. As far as site updates go, I’m on hiatus with most of the non-personal sections, at least until I acquire my video-capture/edit hardware. And I’m probably waiting until after New Years for that.

Another night of precious little sleep. The sinus pain is nearly unbearable and nothing seems to be relieving it. Nyquil isn’t even offering me a comfortable coma this morning.

But at least I managed to catch up on the email and post a new essay in the down time. No work today. I’m sure I’d pass out at the desk. As it looks now, I may be visiting Herr Doktor this afternoon. I’ll post my last will & testament if the diagnosis is too dire.

Luckily, it looks like we may get a bit of rain to temper the cold in the next few days. Call the coroner if I don’t update again by Sunday.

I finally got some sleep, and awoke feeling much better. Still a little sinus leakage, but overall, I actually should make it to work tomorrow.

On the up side, I may have missed open mic night this week, but damned if I’m going to miss coffee night with Amy tonight. And this time it will go better than last time.

I wish I had more to say lately, other than the run-of-the-mill “this is what’s up” updates. I guess, aside from the horrible illness the past couple days, I’ve had very little to rant about… I’m actually enjoying that fact.

Also, congrats to David on his latest publishing effort. Send him a note and tell him not to be so modest!

Slept all day now I can’t sleep tonight. At least I’m feeling pretty normal now. And the rain has come, giving me a pleasant respite from the drab weather of the week thus far.

I’ve decided that I like Star Trek Voyager more than The Next Generation. I’m bored and I have to work in the morning. Ugh.

I’ve pretty much recovered from my illness - which lasted longer than most that I’ve had in the past year or so. I’m still a little nasal, and didn’t sleep at all (again) due to the evil decongestants.

But at least I made it into work. If all goes well, I should be spending a short stint helping out Amy with her new computer (unfortunately, the poor soul was given a Hewlett Packard), and then going home to pass out. Hopefully that puts me in OK shape for my trip back to the City to see David (again) on Friday evening.

I find that I am better able to communicate in written form since I started this site. I think it gives me the capacity to write and edit and critique and thus improve my writing that even the keeping of journals has not helped as well with over the years. Now if I could only make it interesting enough to get more than 5 people to read it…

I have often been told that there is no way to escape the reality of government coercion: governments have to do a dirty job, and they must make and enforce laws which aren’t always fair or just, and these laws must be enforced and policed with police and guns. I’ve been told that this fact of life cannot be overcome. Although most people are willing to admit that some regulations and laws are out of control - from smoking bans to the war on drugs to laws against homosexuality, most people still feel that the government has no choice but to handle things such as collecting taxes and enforcing traffic laws under penalty of imprisonment.

Just because most individuals don’t find a moral problem with state coercion, the consensus that it is therefore the correct way for a human being to live in society is not necessarily the right conclusion. This essay is in answer to this widely-held notion. I intend to prove that, in fact, a just, honest and self-reliant society is possible without the constant spectre of government force hanging over it.

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